The Best Way to Make Him Commit
I have recently checked out Rori Raye’s work, and here is a great article by her about how to get the kind of commitment you want out of your relationship. She is the author of , which is a really good read about how to become the type of woman that men are falling all over themselves to commit to. Read on:
The Best Way to Make Him Commit
by Rori Raye
What does it mean when he says he “cares” for
you and “loves” you, but he’s not making any moves
to get closer or commit to you?
When he calls you all the time, but can never
quite get into a routine of seeing you as often as
When you know he’s not with you and you know
he’s not at work and you know he’s not at home,
and he’s not answering his cell phone?
And it happens like that all the time?
When a man starts affecting you like this, it
can creep up on you.
It doesn’t just happen overnight, it’s sort of
been unsatisfying for awhile.
The awful thing is, we women almost
instinctively jump to the conclusion that he’s
losing interest, and then we blame ourselves for
not being “something – fill in the blank here -
pretty, sexy, smart, successful, sweet, nice,
understanding, etc. – ” enough.
And it couldn’t be less true.
But once we’ve attached ourselves to a man,
invested time and our hearts in him, it’s so hard
to do anything BUT make mistakes.
It’s hard not to make excuses for him, allow
him “space” and “time,” and be understanding about
all the other pressures and stress in his life.
And at the same time – and this is the part
that gets REALLY tough – is we’re ANGRY!
So, how can we manage being angry and being
How can we want to grab him and shake him and
yet give him “space”?
How can we love him, and keep our heart open to
him, when we want to punish him?
It can get so confusing that no matter what we
do, we end up feeling bad.
I remember my years as a truly “Good Girl.”
I would choose to hurt myself before I’d choose
to hurt anyone else.
I took this so far that if I even IMAGINED I
could POSSIBLY hurt someone – especially not him!
– I would do everything I knew to prevent it.
Even if he was doing something horrible – like
taking time out from seeing me to see an old
girlfriend who’d come to visit – I didn’t want to
hurt him by ending the relationship.
I’d turn every situation into something
“understandable,” even though it wasn’t.
When that girlfriend left town, and my
“boyfriend” called me again, I made it up that I
was “big” enough to handle it (even though I
wasn’t) and went back to seeing him.
What amazes me is remembering that I never
dated any other man during that whole time I was
Even though I KNEW he NOT only wasn’t
COMMITTING to me, he was HUMILIATING ME!
I use that memory now to help other women and
to help myself whenever I’m tempted to accept ANY
kind of behavior that doesn’t COMPLETELY FEEL
I’ve gotten VERY good at expressing my
displeasure in a way nearly anyone can hear, and
in a way my husband just adores.
I’ve figured out how to talk to him in a way
that makes him see the Goddess in me and
instinctively switch gears and want to make me
happy – no matter WHAT his mood is like.
You can do it too, and it won’t take you as
long as it took me.
If you’re ready to change the way your man
sees you and the way you relate to him.
Here’s a letter from “Georgia” who’s struggling
with her neediness and trying to PRETEND she’s
I just finished reading your piece on “imaginary
relationships”, and now recognize that I was in
one for 3 1/2 years! (embarrassing)
He said EXACTLY those things to me – but I didn’t
listen.(or didn’t “get it”) I guess I just thought
he needed more time……Anyway, it ended when he
decided that he felt like I was waiting for him
and that “at this point” he didn’t know what “he
wanted for his life” and didn’t want that
I choked….He was also a coward – he broke up via
e-mail………After not seeing my face or hearing
my voice for 3 months, he called and invited me to
lunch. He said he thought about me all the time
and had wanted to call me a bunch of times, but
didn’t know what to say…. I, of course, thought
that he had arrived at some sort of revelation and
was curious, so I agreed to go. (o.k., maybe I
still had hope)
We always had such chemistry – and I could still
feel that it was there – especially from HIM! I
was nonchalant, flirtatious, and charming (just to
save face). I deserved an award!
I could tell it was killing him. I KNOW that if I
had been open to it, he would have left right then
and there to have sex! (He said as much.) Of
course I declined – once burned, twice shy…
It has now been three more months since the lunch
we shared. He said he would call, but hasn’t. I
have to see him at work pretty regularly, but we
do not have to have any interaction – I keep to
myself, but smile and exchange “how do you do’s”
like a champ when I see him in the halls. (Again,
I deserve an award.) but won’t deny that it hurts
to have to be confronted with those painful
feelings of rejection over and over again.
Anyway, recently, I noticed that he almost looks
“hurt” when he looks at me, and I wonder, how dare
he? What have I done wrong? The relationship was
always on his terms. I guess my question is, am I
wrong to reject friendship because he chose not to
be in a committed relationship with me?
For reasons beyond those that I have enumerated
here, I cannot entrust my heart to this man, so I
am not looking to get him back. I made it clear
that I am dating others and moving on.
Do guys REALLY want to be friends with a woman
they have previously been intimate with and still
have the “hots” for? My daughter says I am kidding
myself – he’d simply like to pick up where we left
off, (sex) without any expectations.
He thought I would be a “sure thing”. Advice or
comments? PLEASE! I will always be friendly
towards him – not because he deserves it but
because I am a nice person.(And I don’t want him
to see that I am still hurting over him – his ego
is big enough, thank you!)
***This letter has so much we can learn from.
To start, I’m going to give you a HUGE Tool
It’s more of an understanding, an attitude, a
new way to think and communicate with men about
what you want in a relationship.
Here it goes:
You don’t want HIM – you want a REAL
That sounds simple, doesn’t it?
But most of us do exactly the OPPOSITE.
We express, and sometimes over and over and
over again, with words, our body language and
things we do, that HE is what we want.
And so he feels cornered, pressured, and his
fears jump right up to the top of his mind, heart
This is a good thing sometimes.
We WANT to separate out the men from the boys.
We WANT to let a man know where we stand, what
we want and what we don’t want, and some men will
run because they don’t want what we want – when
what we want is a REAL, COMMITTED relationship.
And these men who run are the WRONG men.
Sometimes we make men run because we TELL them
what we want in ways that don’t work.
The way that WORKS is to say:
“I don’t want a boyfriend. I’m looking for
someone to walk off into the sunset with and get
married and have a family.” (Or what you envision
for YOURSELF.) “And so I don’t want to get
exclusive with anyone until that guy shows up.”
And that’s it.
You don’t ask him for anything.
You simply REFUSE to close up your other
options (except sexually, of course) until you’re
SURE – that means engagement ring, wedding date,
house in escrow – that he means to make you happy
The next step is to make it your job to make
sure you DO keep your options open, no matter how
emotionally involved you feel yourself getting
with any one man.
It’s your job to make SURE that you DON’T get
so emotionally involved with any one man until
you’re SURE he means to make you happy forever.
You take it step-by-step, date-by-date, and you
BRIDGE your way to a real relationship with a
Notice I said a “great man.”
I didn’t say “this man.”
In other words, no man should EVER feel like
he’s your man of choice, he’s your “One” or that
you’re only seeing him. Not until he’s committed.
This way you will NEVER become frustrated,
angry, resentful, or heart-broken.
This way, you are POWERFUL.
You can be warm, soft and loving, and at the
same time NEVER COMMIT yourself to him until he
And I mean a REAL commitment, not just a “let’s
go steady” commitment.
“Bridging” is the way to get your mind, your
heart, your body, and HIM on board for the
lifelong commitment you want.
My Commitment Blueprint program will teach you
all about the process of Bridging – step-by-step.
You’ll learn exactly how to make it happen -
WITHOUT effort, without trying, without working…
simply by following the steps.
You’ll also discover the 7 steps to getting
the commitment you want, and exactly how the
commitment process works for a man.
My favorite story about how Bridging works is a
She was dating 5 and 6 men at a time until the
evening her now-husband PROPOSED.
After she said “Yes” to him, she went home and
canceled two dates with other men!
This is how you do it successfully.
This is likely the most powerful free tip you
will EVER receive from anyone, and I look forward
to hearing how this change in attitude – from
wanting HIM to wanting a REAL, COMMITTED
RELATIONSHIP changes your life.
You’ve heard me talk about The Relationship
Timeline and how to BRIDGE across it to the
relationship you want.
When you date a number of men all at once,
having sex with none, or perhaps only one, you are
CONTINUING ON with your life and the process of
walking across the Bridge to what you want.
The first thing that will happen for you is
you’ll realize how much power you actually have in
You know how it feels when you just LOVE being
with someone? How you just “click” and you could
stay up all night talking and making love with
Well, a man feels exactly the same way.
If he’s excited about seeing you, the most
withdrawal you’ll ever see from him is if he’s
trying to “play it cool,” just as we might if we
were afraid we were chasing after him.
Otherwise, he’ll be WITH you.
He’ll be walking across that Bridge WITH you.
He’ll be calling you, texting you, following
A lot of men do that at the BEGINNING – but
then it all falls away.
They’re excited for awhile, but when things get
real, and both of you can see a bit more of who
you both are, inside, they don’t want to trade
their “Freedom” for a life with you.
And in order to make it across the Bridge and
get what you want, you have to be able to take
yourself “through” those kinds of men.
It’s like a marathon race.
If you keep walking across the Bridge – even if
men come and go, race ahead and fall back – it
Because YOU KEEP GOING!
You may stop for a minute to catch your breath
or mourn one man’s fading away, but soon, you pick
yourself up, and find pleasure in the running and
walking, and expect to find JOY up ahead!
You expect to COMPLETE the marathon.
Just like you EXPECT to get to the relationship
You don’t let ANY man throw you off course, or
knock you down, or even take you by the hand and
try to lead you off the track.
You STICK to WHAT YOU WANT.
You STICK to being on your own side.
You STICK to YOURSELF and STAND UP for
YOURSELF, and EXPECT a GREAT MAN to get to the
finish line WITH YOU.
And he WILL.
This is what my friend did.
She didn’t let the men who “almost were” throw
her off course.
She had so much practice, she tells me, with
men dropping out of sight after six weeks of
whirlwind romance and dating.
She started to “get” that it was a pattern many
men repeat over and over again, and once she
stopped getting all caught up in it, she was able
to truly NOT CARE if they faded away.
She was dating so many men, and trying so hard
to manage her SCHEDULE – she completely lost
interest in trying to manage the men IN her
She discovered she had NO time or energy to
think about what THEY were thinking about.
She discovered that there was no way she could
EVER “figure out” what was going on with a man, so
she stopped even trying to figure him out.
If he wasn’t up for the long term, then good
No matter how much she liked him, no matter how
much he’d talked about a future together, or how
much he liked her, she taught herself to forget
about him as soon as he’d said goodnight.
If he wasn’t on the phone with her or in person
with her, he almost didn’t EXIST for her.
She had way too much to do – with the work she
loved, and her friends, and so many men she was
having dinner, lunch, coffee, movie and concert
dates with she could barely keep their names
She had to WRITE DOWN these men’s pets, and
friends, and everything they’d told her about
themselves – or she’d FORGET!
She took everything every one of them said with
a grain of salt – she stopped future-thinking
about them and KEPT HER EYES ON THE PRIZE – a REAL
relationship with a GOOD man.
And marriage, and children.
And so she GOT what she wanted.
With all that practice under her belt, and a
genuine “blase” attitude – sort of “Whatever…” -
men completely lost their power over her.
She could hardly remember crying curled up on
the floor over man after man.
She couldn’t even imagine herself as needy and
clingy anymore, even though she could REMEMBER how
needy and clingy she’d been.
She used BRIDGING, and dating men as the
biggest part of it, to teach herself to relax
And you can do it, too.
I know it feels so awful, trying to go out with
other men when you’re “hung up” on the one you’re
But, I promise you, it will pay off in all
kinds of ways you hardly imagine.
For one thing, Imaginary Relationships will be
things of the past.
Your heart will stay OPEN, and yet it will stay
with YOU until a man demonstrates he’s ready to
give you HIS.
This whole process of feeling strong inside and
yet warm, open and inviting on the outside is the
most POWERFUL thing you can do for yourself.
If you’d like extra help on the INSIDE part -
on raising your self-esteem so QUICKLY that almost
EVERYTHING on the outside can change overnight -
you’ll want to go here:
Here’s a letter from Delilah, who’s got a great
I have been getting advice from you on men for a
while now. I have used what you have told me
wisely and I was surprised when it worked. I got
more attention for who I was and not who I wanted
One of your particular letters made me realize
that I could be treated the way I wanted. So I
dumped my boyfriend at the time and stopped
Soon the sweetest guy, that I’ve known for almost
5 years came into my life, but now not as my
friend but as my boyfriend. He treats me with
respect and I would never be with him if it wasn’t
for you. Thank you for all of your advice so far,
Delilah got such a quick and surprising great
result it made her feel strong enough stand up for
herself. Once she started focusing on herself, her
terrific guy stepped into her life.
I know this can happen for you, too.
If you’d like extra help getting the kind of
committed, respectful relationship you want with
a man, be sure to try my Commitment Blueprint
I know it’ll work for you the way it’s worked
for me and for the hundreds of women who have
already benefited from it:
Let me know how all the stories and Tools in
this letter help you…
If you’ve already downloaded my eBook, work through it. If you’d like to get it now, follow (or copy and paste) this link:
The eBook is the foundation for all my work,
including these eLetters, so getting the basics
will help you use everything else you get from me.
I’d love to know how you’re doing, and look
forward to hearing from you.