How To Save A Marriage After An Affair
Finding Your Love Again After an Affair
If you truly believe in the power of love to win against all odds, then whether it was you or your spouse who had the affair, you are probably very interested in learning how to save a marriage after an affair. Though an uncertain and difficult terrain to set foot on, the path to reconciliation after infidelity can lead to success within a marriage. There are, however, a few keys things to remember.
Trust is the foundation of all good relationships. Regardless of whether it is a friend or a spouse, any person with whom you are going to share so much of yourself needs to be trustworthy. The odds are that if you don’t trust the person you will not feel secure in the relationship and will not stay in it for any significant period of time.
Some people say that trying to repair a relationship following an affair is akin to starting over again. I do not believe this is true. After one of the parties has cheated you are starting from a lower point than you started in the beginning. It is not the same as your initial meeting, before you had reason to distrust the other person. Distrust is now very real and very present. This makes it much more difficult than simply starting from the beginning.
Both people must be honest with themselves and with one another in order to make any sort of progress. There will be a need for laying feelings out on the table, making the severity of the situation very clear; still, it is not helpful to turn this time into a battle of accusations. Relationships are always influenced by other factors in life, and these other factors must also be addressed. The potential for regaining the trust and love you once shared will begin with clearly and honestly talking about the issues you have identified.
Some advice before you begin:
1. The reconciliation process should not be a time for anyone to make excuses for cheating, blaming circumstances in the marriage for their infidelity. Cheating was the wrong thing to do–no questions asked. Both people simply need to see things for what they are when trying to decide whether to attempt to rebuild the marriage.
2. Be certain that your motivations for saving your marriage are good reasons. Ask yourself if you really love and respect the other person. Did you have a loving relationship before the cheating occurred? Why would you want to try to fix something if it was not good to begin with?
Has the other person had a history of cheating? The sad reality is that if someone has gotten into a pattern of cheating, they will do it again; if you think they can change you are just going to allow yourself to get hurt again. But if this incident was a once and done type of thing you may be able to move past it.
Hopefully these words of advice have helped you to discern the important issues to deal with if you are considering how to save a marriage after an affair. It will only be possible if both parties are willing to put in the time to communicate with each other and allow each other to express their emotions openly; with time the relationship can be restored.