How Get Your Ex Back in 4 Easy Steps
Almost everyone has had to go through a breakup at one time or another. A breakup is an odd thing. Most things become easier to do after you’ve done it several times. With breakups, however, it never gets easier to endure, no matter how many times it’s happened to you in the past.
After a breakup, most people feel the desire to win their ex back (unless the relationship was just awful). As a matter of fact, even if it WAS awful, some people STILL want to get back together with their ex. You should reconsider getting back together with your ex if they were ever physically or verbally abusive. Relationships like that are not healthy. If your ex broke up with you despite the abuse, you should thank your lucky stars.
For the most part, relationships tend to follow a rather predictable pattern. When you first meet a new person, everything is perfect and fresh. As far as both of you are concerned, the two of you are perfect to each other. But after a while, a level of familiarity sets in. You begin making adjustments for each other. When the beginning stage of a relationship is over and you have begun to feel comfortable with each other, things begin to change. Your partner’s quirks and idiosyncrasies, which you tolerated before, are starting to irritate you now.
Have you heard the expression “familiarity breeds contempt”? When it comes to relationships, this is absolutely true. When a couple become comfortable with each other, that’s when trouble usually beings. And this is precisely what tests the durability of the relationship. Maintaining a relationship takes a lot of effort. When obstacles appear, rather than overcome them, the other person decides it would be better to just quit the relationship.
Now, even if your ex made it clear that it’s over between you, do you really believe that to be the case? You need some advice on how to win your ex back. Try these four steps.
Apologizing is one of the best ways to mend a broken or damaged relationship. It may not win your ex back, but it may be the first step toward doing so. Make sure that you are apologizing for the right reasons. Many people, after a breakup, blame themselves for everything. Just remember, a successful relationship consists of two people. It is crucial to know exactly why you are apologizing.
No matter what, when you do apologize, don’t let your ex goad you into another fight. Ironic, isn’t it, that apologizing to an ex often leads to more arguments and fighting. If you apologize, and your ex changes the subject, don’t get defensive. Keep calm, and make sure that your ego, pride and emotions are reined in.
2. Sit down and discuss the issues
If your ex is willing, set up a time when the two of you can sit down and talk about your relationship. And please, don’t try to beg, guilt, or coerce your ex into doing this. If they’re not up to it, just proceed to the next step. If they are up for it, remember to keep your emotions under control. You don’t want to end up getting into another fight. Explain to your ex that you don’t want to talk about who or what is to blame.
You want to discuss the issues in an objective manner. If you can talk only about the issues without brining blame into it, it will turn out better in the end. If at all possible, you may want to enlist the aid of a therapist or an expert in the field of relationships.
3. Allow your ex some space
This may seem completely counterproductive on winning your ex back. You must remember that just because you want to resolve your issues, that doesn’t mean that they do as well. It is essential that you allow your ex some space. A short respite from each other before attempting to win them back will give both of you time for your emotions to subside and for you to starting missing each other. They can’t miss you if you won’t leave them alone, can they?
4. Let them know that you care about yourself.
Show them that your feelings matter to you. A recipe for failure might be acting desperate, whiny or clingy. If you wait by the phone or constantly check your e-mail hoping that they will contact you, you’ll end up driving yourself crazy. Go out with friends. Go to the movies, attend a concert, go shopping. It doesn’t matter, just get out there and start living your life again.
If your ex does call, it’s probably best if you’re not there. It will make them curious about how you’re spending your time now. If your ex calls you on your cell and you know that it’s them, don’t answer it. Instead, just let voice mail pick up his call. You should wait a day or two before deciding to call them back. Tell them that you were occupied, and weren’t able to call them right back. This might just surprise them. It might even convince them to pursue you again.