Some of the most dreaded words a spouse can hear are “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” Too often, we get to this point before we start to worry about how to help our marriage grow and be strong. These words can seemingly come from nowhere or there may be issues in the marriage that you simply aren’t dealing with.
Whether there has been infidelity or some other instance of broken trust in the relationship, or there has been abuse, boredom, or any number of other issues, you will need to actively work to save your marriage and make it the healthy, happy relationship that you always wanted it to be.
The First Step to Help Marital Problems Go Away
Any marriage has highs and lows that are a normal part of the flow of things. When you go through an extended period of lows, however, there may be a problem. Until you identify what that problem is, you aren’t going to be able to make it better. In some instances, targeting the issue that is making you fight all the time or that is hurting one of you is simple.
You may be fighting over money or maybe you are upset that your spouse doesn’t seem to be interested in you physically anymore. For others, the reason for the problems may be less obvious. If you have to get counseling to figure out what the problems are, then do it. You can’t find solutions without knowing the problems.
The Second Step to Help Marital Problems Go Away
Once you have identified the problem or problems, you can take a practical approach to making them go away. This is going to require you to sit down and talk calmly and honestly about creating a plan for making things better. This is probably going to be more difficult than you expect it to be. Even those problems that seem minor can be very complex once you start working on them. Often that’s because your spouse is the one who considers it to be a deal breaker and by the time things have gotten to the point where you are in danger of losing your relationship, they have peaked.
You may have to do more than adjust your attitude in order to help your marital problems go away. For instance, if your wife has delivered the “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” message and she has been avoiding any type of intimacy with you for months, you may be confused about what seems to have been a sudden change in her feelings. When she tells you that the 50-pound beer gut you have put on has completely cooled her off, are you going to be willing to commit to getting yourself in shape in order to help your marital problems go away?
The problem can also be something like the fact that she feels rejected by you since you haven’t touched her in six months. If she has put on a lot of weight or just isn’t taking care of herself and you don’t see her in the same way, you need to put your cards on the table as well. With these types of issues, it is important not to be accusatory or point a finger of blame. Use the word “I” instead of the word “you”.
The Third Step to Help Marital Problems Go Away
You have to have time to help your marital problems go away, regardless of what they are. Whether you choose to get counseling or work on the problems yourself, it takes time to find solutions for your problems and to heal from the damage that they have already done. Always keep in mind that you are working to change your marriage and not your spouse. It is the relationship that needs mending and you will both have to work at it and at finding what you admire most in each other in order to fall in love again.