A floor-length white gown, a bouquet of your favourite flowers, a long walk to the aisle, a seemingly endless measure of veil to match your exquisite gown and lastly, your prince charming, these are the things that girls look forward to in their lives, their wedding day.  It is every girl’s dream to have her own wedding someday, to find her prince charming who will be waiting by the altar, lift up her veil and kiss her with their love ones and God as witnesses.  Your Prince Charming may be someone you’ve known all your life, maybe the one you’ve bumped into this morning or the one who passed by without you noticing him.  My hubby was a co-worker and a former dance partner.  A total opposite of my ideal guy but then as we got to know each other, I have come to realize that he is my dream guy after all.  He is someone who fills in the missing pieces, the one who completes me.  In our first year of togetherness, he treated me like a queen and did everything to make life easier.  Now, after a few years, I believe it is my turn to return the favour.  Wedding and Marriage are two different things. A wedding is an unforgettable celebration of your love towards each other and also marks the beginning of a new life. Marriage, on the other hand, is the result of the wedding.  It is an unspoken bond of compromises and a lifetime of understanding each other’s wants and needs and fulfilling them as well.

Everybody wants to get a royal treatment sometimes.  Who wouldn’t want one?  Wouldn’t it be more special if this royal treatment is being rendered by your love one?  You experienced this before when he was still persuading you and you know how good that feels, so, give back some love and treat him like a king.  Attend to his every need and make his wishes come true.  You know your man wouldn’t ask for anything that will harm you so go ahead spoil him from time to time.  You know what benefits you can have when he is delighted.

Be expressive and candid with your man.  Make him feel secured and loved by telling him how much you love him every day, either by dropping a call or sending a text message.

Flirt with him.  I believe this is the best way to express to your man that whatever he does still excites you in all aspects.  Isn’t it overwhelming to have your husband want you the same way you want him… or more?  Make him want you more to the extent that he will hurriedly come home after work.

Lead him to bed.  You already flirted and made him rush to come home so to return the favor, Initiate and experiment new things in bed.  Repetition may bring boredom which may lead to your man looking for other alternatives with other women.  To avoid that, always keep him in awe and satisfied.

Respect and support him.  There should never be anyone who can back up your husband more other than yourself.  To keep it that way, you need to be by his side especially when he needs it most.  Knowing that there is someone who believes he can do everything will make him feel invincible, this will make him feel like a king, thus, brings us to our first pointer, treat him like a king.

The last, which is also the most important, is to communicate with him.  It is true that with time, you can get to know your partner more, but proper communication makes everything a lot faster and easier.  Let him express what he feels and what he wants so it may be easier for both of you to sort things out.

Marriage is not all about you, or him, but embracing your individualities and combining it into one.  As they say, “it takes two to tango” so you need each other to make everything work.  To bring this simple goal into reality, one should take the initiative.  This will be your first step to dance your way to the good and bad times together, for the rest of our lives.

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The first one, which is the obvious and may be the first thing that made him recognize you, is your appearance.  It is not true that tying the knot should set you free from beautifying yourself.  Marriage should give more room for personal improvement on the woman’s behalf to make her husband happy.  Always find the time to take care of yourself the same way as you take care of your husband.  There may be times that you will need to go with him to parties and meet his friends or colleagues, so you need to show the woman you are who has swept the man off his feet.  It never hurts to look and feel beautiful for someone, especially if that someone is the man whom you love and cherish.

Secondly, you do not have to be a master chef but if you make an effort to cook him dinner, it will surely put a smile on his face.  Effort is the key factor here.  Knowing that his wife exerted so much effort in cooking his favourite dish will surely add flavour to your marriage.  Do not be disheartened if you did not do it properly, there is always a next time to perfect it or ask him or his mother the right way of doing it.  Besides, time is your friend and you signed to spend the rest of your lifetime with him.  You’ll get it better the next time and will even get the hang of it which will lead you to creating new recipes that he will surely love.

Ask him what he likes.  Things are so much easier if he can communicate his wants and needs. Not only will it be much easier for you both, but this will also give way for you to understand each other more.  Men would want to hear you ask these questions and would happily give you answers rather than hearing it from somebody else.  Nobody knows him better than himself and you are getting to know him.  Though this method is not applicable at all times, if you want to surprise him, let’s go to the next step.

His parents know him more than anybody else does.  You can badger his parents with your questions, especially his mother. Take some time to spend with his mother and ask her simple questions such as, how he likes his clothes be arranged, how he wants his egg done, and the like.  Not only are you gaining information about your husband, but also, you are creating a bond with your in-laws, which is beneficial to your marriage.  This will bring your families closer with each other.  After all, marriage is about uniting two families.

Be a part of his circle.  Certainly, the two of you have another world apart from the one you both created for yourselves.  You have your circle of friends, either friends you have gained from work or way back in your school years.  Take time to get to know his friends and hear stories of how he was, which would give you additional idea on how you can better please him.  Hold a small gathering by inviting his friends and spending some time with them.  You will be surprised with the common traits your husband has with his friends and you’d easily learn a lot of new things about him.  A bond with his friends is something that would make him happy; you being friends with his friends and being a friend and wife in one package.

Lastly, learn about what he does.  Nothing would make him more ecstatic than having his wife spark some interest with what he does for a living, and other things.  This will be easier if the two of you came from the same industry but, nevertheless, ask him how his day was, be it good or bad.  There’s nothing more comforting than having someone you can talk all your troubles and accomplishments to. It may sound boring and insignificant but it is important to him, so put an effort and enter his world just for a minute.  Consequently, you’ll be familiar with all his doings and may even be able to give some inputs on how things could be more efficient to his advantage while gaining new knowledge.

Marriage is about two individuals becoming one.  It is about combining both of your worlds to your advantage, so utilize it.  Always remember that it is not all about you, but rather, the two of you together through the coming years.  You have a lifetime to explore for more information that you will need.  Don’t stress yourself trying to be the perfect wife.  Your love is enough to fill in the gaps you may be lacking and surely, he appreciates it because he would not be asking you to marry him if he didn’t.

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The traditional idea of marriage is that the husband is the provider while the wife serves as the homemaker.  The wife’s duty is to take care of her husband from the time he wakes up in the morning until the day ends.  What could make my husband happy?  As a wife, it is your lifetime duty to know what needs to be done to make him feel happy and satisfied for the rest of your lives.

Time holds significance in the quality of a relationship, whether it is friendship or a love relationship, and since marriage is a long-term relationship, having a quality time despite the busy schedule is needed. How do we manage this?  It is important to make every minute and every second vital for the both of you.  Surprise your husband by planning a getaway or spare a day and do the things he likes to do.  It is necessary to still have a quality time together even though you both are already married.  This is also the opportunity to explore things that would bring you closer to each other. You may dislike some things that he likes the most but you can put this annoyance aside and let him do whatever he wants sometimes.  There are even things that we thought we do not like until we tried.  Be adventurous and try something new.  If you are still not impressed with it, there is no need to push yourself into liking it but he will definitely appreciate the effort that you put in it just to please him.

Sex, which is a physiological need to most men, is one way to express one’s feeling toward his or her partner.  Sex is essential in marriage.  Men are more sexually driven than women most of the time, and as a wife, it is your responsibility to satisfy these needs in order for him to not find it elsewhere.  There are various books that illustrate certain positions that will enable the both of you to enhance your sex life but you need to explore it together.  You need to be open to the idea that trying something new could make your bond stronger and could satisfy you both.  You may be surprised at how this may affect the bond between the two of you and that words are not the only way to express one’s feelings.

As time passes, lust and beauty may fade but your need to talk to someone heightens.  It is necessary to communicate to your partner, whether it is good or bad.  To put it simply, be his friend and not just his wife.  Make him feel that you will always be there for him no matter what.  After all, you both promised to be together for better or worse, until death you part.  When your husband gets home, ask him how his day was and what happened during the day.  After a few years when your hair is grey and either of you  is not in your best self to move around a lot, a companion to talk to is someone you want to spend your whole day with.

Forever may seem a long time but sharing it with the one who you truly love makes the journey worthwhile.  There may be a lot of things that would lead to misunderstandings but always bear in mind that these are only tools that will strengthen your bond towards each other.  The reason of failed marriages is that couples tend to change over time.  Truth is, love doesn’t change, the people do.  We may change as time passes but you need to do it as a couple.  There may be a lot of bumps on the road but the journey would be worth wile if you have somebody to take it with, hand in hand.  The most essential part of your relationship is your love for each other.   This is the reason behind the vow that you made in front of God and your love ones as witnesses, the reason why you put so much effort in trying to make things work in your relationship.  Thinking is not all you can do to deal with this.  Follow your instincts and trust your heart and everything will fall into place.

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As a wife, sometimes you become so confident that your husband sees you as the only apple of his eyes. Being married does not mean that you should stop sweeping him off his feet.  It only deviates for you to exert more effort.  That is a common problem between married couples; they start to neglect simple things such as this.  Looks may fade as the years go by but you still need to be at your best for your man.  It is said that men need something to feed their eyes, and in order to continually get his attention, it is necessary that you stay in shape and be beautiful for him.  When couples marry, two individuals become one and whatever you have is also his and to show your love for your husband, you should also give importance to your physical traits.

Respect each other’s privacy. You both may be sharing your life together but you need to retain your own personal spaces.  Sharing lives together, rather than invading each others’ lives, is the true meaning of marriage. We all have our own perspectives as well as our own likes and dislikes and these things may not be the same with our lifetime partner, thus, we can still keep doing them as long as they are not in any way harmful, by having our own space. Often, the lack of privacy results to suffocation and misunderstanding leading to separation due to the fact that you both lose your individuality and the opportunity to grow.  If your husband asks you that he wants to meet his friends, just let him.  Give him time to miss you, and in return, go out with your friends.  Just like work, you also need to take a break and experience singlehood for a while and I can assure you that when you get home you have missed each other already even for a short period of time.

Food is the best way to reach a man’s heart.  Preparing food is a daily routine for you as a wife.  Make it special by kicking it up a notch.  Cook his favourite dish on a weekend (that could be your date night) or ask him what he wants to eat for the whole week.  That way he would realize how special he means to you.  Not only is it worth doing, but it also gives you more quality time and saves you money from dining at a restaurant. The thought of you making him his favourite dish from scratch will make the food more delectable because of the effort you exhausted for it.  Some men prefer women who have the same cooking ability as their mother’s.  It makes it even more significant for them to know that the wife took the initiative to learn how to cook for them.

Actions may speak louder than words but words are still necessary to clearly state the meaning of your actions. It may sound cheesy but you don’t realize the power of words once spoken by the person who means the world to you. Good morning, my love, I miss you, take care, see you later, good night and I love you are some of the words that could drive your man crazy.  A simple phone call or SMS saying how much you love and miss him will surely put a smile on his face.  Express your gratitude by saying, thank you, and planting a kiss on his cheek.  You’d be surprised with the power of words. Let him hear from you that he is always special to you. If you don’t have any terms of endearment, have one.  Endearments may sound absurd or ridiculous at times but they are powerful in every way, between you two.  It constantly reminds and expresses how much you feel for each other when you use these means of endearment.

Words may be a way to clearly state your feelings but as the old saying goes, “Actions speak louder than words,” is truly the best approach to express your love.  When you get married, you both can get too comfortable with each other eventually.  Don’t be scared of expressing your feelings.  Let him know if you get offended by his words or certain actions but don’t overlook his loving gestures as well.  Every gesture you make is significant and that is the reason why you need to do it no matter how simple or little the act is.

Lifetime is a long period for the both of you to get to know each other, it may be full of ups and downs but the true meaning of marriage is how you were able to overcome these obstacles and laugh about it afterwards. Misunderstandings and fights are just tools that would let you and your partner to know each other well and time is your friend to obtain this as you mature and grow old together.

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1.  Praise him instead of criticizing him in front of others.  One of the reasons why we tend to exert more effort in doing things is because someone appreciates them.  As a wife, it is your responsibility to notice every little thing your husband does.  Praise him with what he’s done right instead of criticizing.  If your husband feels that anything he does is appreciated, he may conquer anything that may come his way knowing he has someone who supports and believes him all the way.

2.  Keep him feel secured.  Men may have huge egos but they can also be easily threatened and be vulnerable at an instant.  Always tell him that the two of you may fight over things but he will still be the one you need and want more than anyone.

3. Make him feel that he is needed.  It is true that women can do a lot of different things, and oftentimes, we do things on our own that makes men feel unneeded.  Since you two are in this relationship together, seek for his opinions, ideas and advice.  Two heads are better than one, as the saying goes, and he may have a better idea in doing some things more efficiently.

4. As a wife, there are daily routines that you have to do in order to keep your relationship and the family intact.  Instead of following the same routine, spice it up sometimes to make it more special and exciting for both of you.  Transform your usual dinner to a special dinner by doing it with candle lights and dressing up like you do when you go out for a formal dinner.  You don’t need to wait for holidays or special occasions to do this.  All you need to have is each other enjoying a round up evening at the comfort of your own home.

5. I’m lucky to have you, are the words you need to hear from him constantly.  Remind him why he chose you to be a part of his life and why he is lucky spending each day with you.  With this, he will not forget the first time he looked at you and treasure you for all time.

6. Let your inner child come out and have fun.  Women mature easily than men and instead of being annoyed and irritated while his inner child is out, join him and have fun.

7. Give him his space. You two may be sharing your life together but that does not apply on all things.  After all, men and women are so different in many ways.  Give each other space and take some time to think things over.  This will allow both of you to be mature in making decisions that would be beneficial for the both of you in many ways as time passes. Having a space serves as a reflection of knowing your strengths and weaknesses, enabling ourselves to analyse on how you will help each other and grow together.

8. Be his protector.  He may be strong but he also has weaknesses.  There may come a time that he will need you to be there for him to support him or even be his rock.  Make him feel that when he loses his will to go on, you will be there for him.

9. Respect him. In every relationship respect is very necessary because we may have differing opinions towards a lot of things.  Men are very fragile so never ridicule or put him down, especially in public.  Show him respect in order for you to gain his.

10. Believe him when he say, “Trust me.”  Trust is like a glass, once shattered, you may try putting them back together but the cracks remain.  Paranoia will get you nowhere other than destroy you and your relationship. There may be times that he has failed you but still, continuously trust him when he said so. Marriage is an endless journey of trusting your partner. He may fail you many times but at least you know he is working hard to get things right.  Marriage is a lifetime of trial and error.  In order to be happy, you must hold onto your faith in him that he can do this.

These are only a few things that could help you make your husband happy but it would be easier to communicate with him on what makes him happy. Talk it out and compromise with each other.  A happy marriage is not one-sided but rather, two people loving each other and willing to fulfil each other’s wants and needs together.

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If your marriage has gone disastrously bad and just refuses to work lately, you might need a little bit of tactic to save it from completely burning out. Every marriage is different in its own way but similar when it comes to this fact: a marriage needs to be maintained and taken care of. If you or your partner, or even both, stop tending to your marriage, it will slowly wither up and complications will arise leading to resentment and bitterness until you can’t stand each other. If you want to save your marriage, you will have to work at helping it recover.

What many couples are not aware of is that even though you have both spent years and years together and probably know each other inside out, there are still some things left that you still may not know about the other. This assumption, when combined with the fact that every human being picks up new habits as he or she ages, leads to bickering between most married couples, eventually. He might have become ungrateful and thankless, but it might be because of some habit you have picked up. Maybe you sound surly and resentful, or maybe he feels you make a big deal out of little things. It might be that the very things you two are doing that annoy you both are just a chain reaction gone out of control. This can be put right, but you need to do a little soul searching first and be willing to admit to your faults, and change if and when required. Be gentle instead of harsh, and ask your spouse to let you know what she wants you to change. Be prepared to not get angry or defensive, and listen to what she says. If you admit to your faults, you will find that your partner is likely to admit to his flaws as well.

Another thing you need to reconsider is your expectations from your spouse. Think about it: are they too unrealistic and impractical? Do you still want him to surprise you with candlelight dinners like he used to, even though you never make an effort to dress up for him anymore? It’s all about give and take and if your spouse is not giving anymore, it just might be because somewhere along the line you stopped giving too. A common mistake most couples make is to expect things but never voice these expectations. No matter how well your partner understands you, sometimes they might be clueless as to what you want. Instead of waiting around and growing bitter, you can gently let your partner in on your expectations. Most couples agree this always has a good outcome. Oftentimes, the other person picked up on his partner’s depression or mood swings and really wanted to make them happy but just did not know how. Actually saying what you need, out loud, will be the breath of fresh air you two need.

It’s okay to be really angry at someone at times, especially if you live with them night and day but the key to any happy relationship is to place yourself in the other person’s shoes. It might seem unfair that your spouse is acting out because of stress at work, but think about it, would you not do the same? Once you start asking yourself “wouldn’t I act the same way?” or “what would I do in his shoes?” you will find that things become a lot simpler and seem a lot fairer, and this will work wonders if you want to save your marriage.

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If you have noticed your marriage getting weaker and just not working anymore, and you are looking for a way to fix it, you have actively taken the first step towards making a difference. Most people choose to stay in denial until things are too far gone to fix. No matter what the reason, any failing marriage can be fixed if the correct measures are taken and effort is made. Asking yourself what this marriage means to you, and then being willing to work hard at saving it is what you have to do. Do not give up if it takes a little time, and repeatedly tell yourself, “I want to save my marriage” to keep yourself driven.

The very first thing you need to do is to get to the root of things. Be honest to yourself and think what has gone wrong. You can make a list if you want and write down all the things that you need from your partner that you think you are not getting anymore, but being honest means you also admit where you might be going wrong and that the little things you never do anymore contribute to this relationship. Even better, if you are making a list, have your partner make a similar list as to what she wants from you. Exchange lists once done and try not to get bitter or angry. You have to remember honesty is the key here, even though it stings a little. Once you have expressed what you need, both of you can start on working towards contributing a little more and making arrangements to fix things.

If the root of your problems is deeper than just a lack of effort from both ends, resolve to work on making an amendment for your mistake. If trust has been broken or there have been too many serious fights, sit down with your partner and decide what to do. If you are wrong and want to fix things, know that your partner is not likely to start trusting you again overnight, and that these things take time and persistence. If your partner is in the wrong and seems to be making no effort to win your trust back or fix the bitterness, sit down with him and tell him what you need. He is still with you because he wants to be, and he just might not know what you require to start feeling better about him. The “he/she should know where he/she went wrong and how to fix it” state of mind won’t ever work. Your partner is not a mind reader so instead of waiting for him to somehow do exactly what you want, voice out your demand.

Most couples think ignoring the problems and pretending the distance is not there will eventually fix things. This is not true. The lesser you talk about things, the more you are likely to split up. Be vocal about everything instead of waiting for the wrinkles to iron themselves out. Saying things like “I want to save my marriage” and “where do you think we went wrong” is not a sign of weakness or defeat, it merely means you want to make things better and preserve your marriage.

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The very first thing you need to do is identify the source of the problem. Sometimes the reasons are glaringly evident and staring you in the face, but sometimes they are very subtle and hard to pinpoint. Try and think back to the time when things started going wrong and you might be able to identify the reason. Is it because you or your spouse has been working longer hours than usual? Have your children become independent, leaving you two with no mutual concerns? The reasons might be trivial. Indeed, they usually are, and these trivial reasons combine to become catastrophic and ruin your marriage. What you need to do is to acknowledge where you have been wrong. It might be easy to pin the blame on your spouse, but remember, it takes two to harm a marriage.

Try and talk to your spouse about things. She is probably wondering about the same things you are thinking about and it is therefore healthy to have a rational discussion. Keep your tone free of accusation, and try not to use phrases along the lines of “you did this,” instead, refer to everything as “we” to show your spouse that you are willing to accept your mistake and acknowledge that you have done wrong things too. If all goes well and your partner is willing to make a change, you two can then make the changes required.
The first change you need to bring is to start spending more time together doing something that you both enjoy, or better still, do things the other person enjoys even if you never liked doing them before. This will not only give you plenty to talk about but it will also help you reconnect again. If your husband likes fishing while you never really found it interesting, give it a go. Similarly, go shopping with your wife, even if it bores you. It will light up that dying attraction and bring you two closer again.

Be consistent about promises. If you are promising to change, stick to your vow. If for instance, your nagging is what drove him away and he has confessed it, try to keep the nagging under check. Likewise, if you admitted you have been spending more time at work than usual, try coming home a little early sometimes. This will let your spouse know you are making an effort to keep the marriage alive.

Most importantly, do small things for each other. Tiny gestures are what made you both love each other in the first place, and making the spouse fall for you all over again is how to save your marriage. You are never too old for flowers, romantic walks and candle-lit dinners, so try to surprise your partner every once in a while.

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Ask For Help

There is nothing wrong in asking for help. While a troubled marriage is between a husband and his wife, there is no reason why you should be too proud to ask for help or suggestions. Ask your married friends for tips and you will find out that there are a lot of ideas you could not have thought of alone. Talking to close family members like your mother or aunt is always very helpful, because no matter how wise you may be, you just don’t have much experience like they do. Sharing your marital problems with other people also sometimes makes you realize about how unjust you may have become on your partner and that you are overreacting over petty things. Even if you do not have anyone to talk to, marriage counseling is known to work wonders for most couples. Your partner might be reluctant at first, but if your partner considers your marriage to be important, he will agree. You will both be able to voice out your insecurities and concerns without arguing in the counselor’s office and notice progress very soon.

Don’t Play The Blame Game

If you have been fighting, you will have noticed the same pattern to every fight. You voice your feelings, your partner voices his, and before you know it you are both blaming each other, dead set on proving each other to be the one at fault. These fights usually end in a huff and don’t lead to a solution, leaving you even angrier than before. You need to realize that while your partner may be wrong at many instances, you have played your part in helping your marriage reach its decline, too. Instead of trying to blame him, once in a while, actually listen to your spouse when they are accusing you of something. It may be hard to accept but if you are honest with yourself you will know when your spouse is right. Agree to work on your wrongdoings if your partner will work on his. Instead of yelling or making your tone sound accusatory, patiently hear your partner out and then calmly tell him how you feel and what you want.

Don’t Take Things For Granted

One thing you need to know if you are on a “how to save my marriage” query is that most bitter spouses, when asked, will say the reason they stopped making little romantic gestures was because they went unappreciated. If he remembers to send you flowers at work once in a while or when she remembers your parents’ birthdays and sends them a present, do not let it go unappreciated. Thank your partner whenever they go even slightly out of their way for you. Not only will it make you two feel appreciated but it will also spur you on to do even more.

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Communication

The source of nearly every marital problem, lack of communication, is what has split up the happiest of couples. You may feel like he just isn’t listening to you, or that she just never has time to sit and talk anymore. Communication does not necessarily mean sitting and having a long conversation every day, it means keeping your spouse involved in every aspect of your life, and voicing everything you feel, from doubts about work to health insecurities. Most times, we back off when we feel that the other person is not interested, and this is what may have happened with you and your spouse if you never share anymore. A way you can improve this is by starting to communicate more and your partner will automatically start doing the same. Leave each other little notes before leaving for work, call with good and bad news when you are not together and just express how you feel. If your spouse is still showing no inclination to communicate, tell them you are genuinely interested in knowing what’s going on in their life. Once the communication gap has been fixed, you will find yourself to be intimate once again.

Don’t Let Yourself Go

If it has been a few years since you have been married, you have probably stopped caring about your physical appearance. While it’s okay to let your spouse see you on your worst hair days and in that ratty old t-shirt, make an effort every now and then again to remind them of the person they fell for in the first place. Dress up well every once in a while even if he is only taking you shopping, wear your best for romantic dinners, and keep your figure and hair maintained. This does not only reignite that old spark of attraction but it will also make you both feel better about yourselves and each other. A presentable and good looking partner is always better than a scruffy spouse who can’t be bothered to make an effort.

Make An Effort

The reason why any relationship reaches its expiration date is because one or even both the parties stop making an effort. It may be the littlest of things. Maybe he never brings you flowers anymore even though it was once a daily ritual. Maybe you never cook his favorite meal or you neglect to greet him with a kiss when he comes home now. While you may have compromised and made your peace with these little things, they have probably diminished the charm of being together and caused you two to drift apart. If you don’t know how to save a marriage and are at a loss for ideas, start with the little romantic gestures and you will notice an immediate difference. Remember, it’s all about the little gestures you make to show your spouse you still value them.

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